Poseidon

RATED: PG-13 for intense prolonged sequences of disaster and peril.
RUNNING TIME: 98 MINUTES
STARS: Josh Lucas (Dylan Johns), Kurt Russell (Robert Ramsay), Emmy Rossum (Jennifer Ramsay), Mike Vogel (Christian), Richard Dreyfuss (Richard Nelson), Mia Maestro (Elena).
PLOT: When a rogue wave capsizes a luxury cruise ship in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean, a small group of survivors find themselves unlikely allies in a battle for their lives.

Gord Burt 3.5 Stars

Poseidon is a throwback to 1970s-style disaster films like Jaws, but refreshed with 2006-era special effects. The movie delivers in most of the ways that matter for a summer motion picture, with Poseidon never trying to be something it isn’t. It’s about a group of two-dimensional humans battling bad luck, and peeved-off mother nature in a sea-based disaster that makes Titanic seem like a pleasure cruise.

The new film really shines in the individual action scenes, which come along at a regular pace and are staged by director Wolfgang Petersen with a flair of originality, a modicum of believability, a genuine air of suspense and a mounting sense of menace.

Going against the current trend in action filmmaking of cutting fast and framing close, Petersen composes his shots in the classical tradition, so that we see exactly what is going on, and have the time and space to identify with the character in peril.

Of course, when someone isn’t doing something heroic or something’s not exploding, the movie treads water in various silly ways. For instance, Kurt Russell and the always enjoyable Emmy Rossum argue about her love life while climbing through a dangerous air conditioning shaft. But complex emotions aren’t what Poseidon is about.

Richard Dreyfuss offers the most emotion and connection with the audience, and does something with his part. The bonding between his gay character and a sexy stowaway has a hint of emotional richness, as he sees her outsider status, understands her feelings of isolation and reaches out to her. But this is just a tiny fraction of the movie, and in terms of real emotion, this is all Poseidon has.

As clumsy as the movie is in many ways, it strings together maybe a dozen situations in which we are absolutely, excruciatingly, on the edge of our seats, which is to say that the new Poseidon essentially does its job. It’s a straightforward action/adventure approach, which is both a strength and a weakness. Petersen sets out to give us a group of undeveloped stock characters and a bunch of cheap thrills, and that’s what he delivers.

Erin Harde 2 Stars

It’s difficult to get behind the plight of the doomed Poseidon crew who clamber their way to the top, or bottom, of a sinking ship. With such poorly developed characters and some of them darn right annoying, it’s like being caught between the Ottawa Senators and Carolina Hurricanes. You want to cheer for the Sens, but they keep letting you down, while the sheer force of latter demands respect. Here’s a tip: switch sides early on and it will lead to less disappointment in the end.

The surprising thing is how not even Kurt Russell, Emmy Rossum and Richard Dreyfuss can deliver their lines without inspiring involuntary eye-rolling and groaning. The writing is abysmal and the dialogue serves only as filler to piece together the humongous explosions and big budget sinking ship scenes.

When a rogue wave capsizes the ship, there are a handful of characters who decide not to follow captain’s orders, and branch out on their own. Left to die in a spectacular ball room flooding are hundreds of guests including Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas, who gets a glorified cameo.

The stories of the main characters are thin at best. Rossum’s Jennifer is upset with her father Robert because she wants to be treated like a woman and for him to accept her fiancé. Dylan became wealthy by exploiting drunk gamblers and only cares for himself. Elena is a stowaway on route to visiting her sick brother in America. Each story gets about three lines and then is forgotten because it has nothing to do with the point of the movie, which is to show mass death by drowning.

Despite its impressive action sequences, Poseidon doesn’t hold any water next to that other big sinking boat movie, which at least spared us scene after scene of corpses. Poseidon relishes dead bodies, some soggy and blue, others charred and crispy, while still others are mangled and bent at impossible angles.

Most of the survivors seem to care less about climbing over the bodies, which shows how shallow they are, ironically in spite of their situation.